Friday, November 25, 2005

D is for Ditty....

I found these funny song titles and thought they were just too funny not to post. Enjoy! :)



C'mon Down off the Stove, Granny, You're Too Old to Ride the Range

Don't Run Through The Screen Door Honey You'll Only Strain Yourself

For Better or Worse, But not for Long

Forget the Night, Help Me Make It Through the Door

From The Indies To The Andes In His Undies

Get Out The Meatballs Mama. We're Coming To A Fork In The Road

Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye

How Could You Believe Me When I Said I Love You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life (Lane & Lerner 1951)

I Can't Love Your Body if Your Heart's Not In It

If I Had Shot You When I Wanted To, I'd Be Out By Now

I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart.

If Money Talks, It Ain't On Speaking Terms With Me

If My Nose Were Full of Nickels, I'd Blow It All On You

If She Puts Lipstick On My Dipstick, I'll Fall In Love

If You Don't Believe I Love You Just Ask My Wife

If You Really Loved Me You Would Have Married Somebody Else

If You Won't Leave Me Alone Ill Find Someone Who Will

I Hate Every Bone In Your Body Except Mine

I Just Couldn't Leave Her Behind Alone

I Just Fell In Something and I Sure Hope It's Love

I Kissed Her on the Lips, And Left Her Behind for You

I'll Never Get Over You So Turn Off The Alarm It's On Your Side Of The Bed

I'm Gonna Build Me a Bar in the Back of My Car and Drive Myself to Drink

I'm So Miserable Without You, It's Like Having You Here

I Only Have Eyes For You, But Look What I've Got For Your Sister

I Ran Over My Dog in My Pickup at the Trainstation Comin' Back From My Mother's Funeral After I Got Out of Jail, In the Rain

I've Got You on My Conscience But At Least You're Off My Back

I've Got a Funny Feeling (I Won't Be Feeling Funny Very Long)

I Wouldn't Take You To A Dog Fight Even If I Thought You Could Win

Noses Run In My Family

Pardon My Southern Movements, Miss Lou

Since You Bought The Waterbed We've Slowly Drifted Apart

Take Me To The Corn Field Honey And I'll Kiss You Between The Ears

The Beer I Had For Breakfast Is Comin' Back For Lunch

The Pint of No Return

These Boots Were Meant For Lickin'

We Used to Just Kiss on the Lips But Now It's All Over

You Can Tell the Man Who Boozes (By the Company He Chooses, and the Pig got up and Slowly Walked Away)

You Can't Deal Me All The Aces And Expect Me Not To Play

You Can Lead a Horticulture, But You Cain't Make 'er Think

C is for Consistency...

News flash! I lack consistency. I lack it a lot. Which is probably why I can't seem to commit (another C word!) to this blog the way I thought I was going to do. I like leaving comments (can you count all the words starting with C in this post?) but coming up with my own posts is a little more work. I do appreciate all of you (okay, both of you) who still stop by to check in on me. It's downright sweet. I'll try to check in here a little more often.

I have to admit I find blogging a little frustrating. I like the immediate gratification of carrying on a conversation with someone, rather than checking back for comments. I feel like I'm only getting a small piece of the conversation when I can't read the body language that goes along with it. I want to actually hear someone laugh when I say something funny or touch someone's arm when they're revealing something from the heart or see their eyes light up when they "get" what I'm saying. And it's harder to hold onto a blogging friendship than it is one you make in the real world. I don't care for that aspect of it, either. Or maybe these are just lame excuses for not blogging more consistently. :) None of my real world friends blog, which would be fun if they did and would give me a little more reason to write. I feel like I'm missing out when other bloggers who know each other in the real world share inside jokes or histories with each other.

I sound like I hate blogging, but I really don't. I think it's a fascinating world. I'm just still trying to figure out where I fit in it.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

B is for Books

My love affair with books has been my most constant one. I get lost in them, found in them and never go anywhere without one of them. In my purse right now is a copy of, "Nothing Sacred" by Lewis Black, by my bed is a book I'm halfway through, "The Quotable Woman: Volume One", and on the coffee table I have a book I'm almost finished with called, "Curse of the Pharaoh" by Zahi Hawass, director of excavations at the Giza Pyramids. I have bookshelves in each room of my house stuffed with books. Even my walk-in closet is more like a mini library, with books and shelves lined up on the sides and in the back. Leaning between my microwave and the wall on kitchen counter, are my collection of 32 cookbooks, including one from the 1920s that belonged to my great-grandma and a book of cake recipes from as early as colonial times. Once I buy a book, it's mine, and I keep it forever. I just can't seem to let go of them.

My earliest memories of books started with naptime. I can't remember how old I was when I developed my fascination with books, but it was before I was sent off to school. My mama would lay down with me to read me a book, in hopes I would fall asleep. But what usually happened was that she would fall asleep and I would sit up next to her trying to figure out what happened next in the book. I suspect naptime was more for her benefit than mine! Whenever I could get away with it, I would crawl out of the bed as quietly as I could so as not to disturb her, and carry the book through the house, trying to find someone to finish the book for me. Which pretty much set the pattern for my life -- I've been trying to figure out what's going to happen next ever since. :)

My reading habits also influenced my college major. I like to read about everything -- the latest news in science, archeology, history, humor, science fiction, classics, human behavior -- everything. The closest major I could find to accommodate all of that was a liberal arts degree, which I pursued with gusto. Everyone always asked (and still asks) what I was going to "do" with that major. And maybe I'll address that question when I get to "L" as in "L" is for liberal arts major. That's a big enough topic to warrant it's own blog!

For now, I'll end this entry with some of my favorite quotes about books:


"Life happened because I turned the pages."
~ Alberto Manguel ~

"A library is a hospital for the mind." ~ Anonymous ~

"I've traveled the world twice over,
Met the famous; saints and sinners,
Poets and artists, kings and queens,
Old stars and hopeful beginners,
I've been where no-one's been before,
Learned secrets from writers and cooks
All with one library ticket
To the wonderful world of books.
~ Anonymous ~

"Show me the books he loves and I shall know the man far better than through mortal friends."
~ Dawn Adams ~

"When we read a story, we inhabit it. The covers of the book are like a roof and four walls. What is to happen next will take place within the four walls of the story. And this is possible because the story's voice makes everything its own."
~ John Berger ~

"I read the newspaper avidly. It is my one form of continuous fiction."
~ Aneurin Bevan ~

"I have always imagined that Paradise will be a kind of library."
Jorge Luis Borges

"A room without books is like a body without a soul."
~ Marcus T. Cicero ~

"There is more treasure in books than in all the pirate's loot on Treasure Island."
~ Walt Disney ~

There is an art of reading, as well as an art of thinking, and an art of writing."
~ Isaac Disraeli ~

"Never judge a book by its movie."
~ J. W. Eagan ~

"Our high respect for a well read person is praise enough for literature."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson ~

"When I get a little money, I buy books; and if any is left, I buy food and clothes."
~ Desiderius Erasmus 1466-1536 ~

"To read is to empower
To empower is to write
To write is to influence
To Influence is to change
To change is to live."
~ Jane Evershed ~

"I suggest that the only books that influence us are those for which we are ready,
and which have gone a little farther down our particular path than we have yet got ourselves."
~ E. M. Forster ~

"To read a writer is for me not merely to get an idea of what he says, but to go off with him and travel in his company."
~ André Gide ~

"The first time I read an excellent work, it is to me just as if I gained a new friend; and when I read over a book I have perused before, it resembles the meeting of an old one."
~ Sir James Goldsmith ~


"These are not books, lumps of lifeless paper, but minds alive on the shelves."
~ Gilbert Highet ~

"To sit alone in the lamplight with a book spread out before you, and hold intimate converse with men of unseen generations--such is a pleasure beyond compare."
~ Yosida Kenko ~


"There should be a little voice in your head like the storyteller is saying it. And if there's not, then you're just lookin' at the words."
~ LaKeisha ~
(9th Grader in San Francisco)

"What is reading, but silent conversation."
~ Walter Savage Landor ~

"Magazines all too frequently lead to books and should be regarded by the prudent as the heavy petting of literature."
~ Fran Lebowitz ~

"Reading furnishes the mind only with materials for knowledge; it is thinking that makes what we read ours."
~ John Locke ~

"I have often reflected upon the new vistas that reading opened to me. I knew right there in prison that reading had changed forever the course of my life. As I see it today, the ability to read awoke in me some long dormant craving to be mentally alive."
~ Malcolm X ~

"I am a part of everything that I have read."
~ John Kieran ~

Thursday, October 27, 2005

It's As Easy As A-B-C!

Okay, I'm blatantly ripping this idea off from another blog, but I need to do something to get my blogging juices flowing. Lately, I seem to have hit a dry spell.
So, here's how this is going to work. For the next twenty-six blogs, I'm going to choose my topic based on the letters of the alphabet. It may be something that's autobiographical, a current event, or just whatever's on the top of my head at the time.
For instance, my first blog entry in this endeavor is A for Angels.
I collect angels. On my nightstand next to my bed are a few of my favorites. There's two gold-colored ones with horns lifted to their lips, trumpeting praise (very Christmasy); a white marble angel with his foot on a demon's neck, sword drawn back about to plunge into the demon (very dramatic and Renassiance-like); a colorful medieval-dressed angel armed with a spear and carrying a shield; and, a plaster of paris angel with yellow and blue hair, splotchy red wings and various colored skin tones lovingly painted by a 4 year old who knew I collected angels (my most treasured).
I don't know why I started collecting them. I like the idea of a guardian angel, some supernatural being appointed by God to specifically watch over me. But I don't really think of them as being a part of my every day life. I'd like to, but I don't. My particular brand of Baptist upbringing didn't really talk about angels much except at Christmas time and I guess I have more questions about them then I do knowledge. Somewhere in my roots it was drilled into me that we're not supposed to pray to them, ask them for stuff, or rely on them, or even dwell on them too much. We're supposed to depend on Jesus for all of that, and I'm okay with that, it's just that...well..what, exactly, then do we do with angels if we can't talk or listen to them? It should be enough that they're there at all and they are commanded by God to watch out for us, but I'd like to know my guardian angel's name, be a little more attuned to him when he's telling me to watch out for stuff.
I've read books with stories of first-hand accounts of people who've had supernatural experiences and actually seen angels or witnessed their hand in their affairs and yet in all of those miraculous accounts, no one's ever said they thanked their angel. Is it that appropriate?
Do Christians have the ability or right to command angels in the name of Jesus? Or do we petition Jesus to send angels to protect our loved ones? Yes, I defintely have more questions than knowledge about angels. Maybe that's why they fascinate me so much.
My favorite painting of an angel is one where a boy is sleeping in bed and an angel is standing guard at the foot of the bed, one wing stretched out protectively over the boy. The manner and bearing of the angel is very intense, much more like a Marine and a warrior than the traditional, effimemnate harp-playing type. I like to think that's what my guardian angel looks like.
Have you ever had an experience you were sure your guardian angel had a hand in?

Saturday, October 08, 2005

This old house...

It's 4 am, my favorite time of day. The "normal" people aren't up yet and I feel like I have the world to myself right now. I'm sitting on my porch with a half-empty glass of Coke and rum and melted ice by my laptop. One of the dogs is up on the porch swing and the other is laying on my feet. It could be 110 degrees outside and that silly hound will lay on my feet. Anyway, I come out here to sort out my life, play on the computer, and think about life's deeper questions. Like, why your fingers and toes are the only things to get wrinkly when you stay in the bathtub too long...what's up with that?

I feel really fortunate to have the job I do. I only work a few nights a week, my co-workers are also my friends, I have a job where I get to talk to people which I love to do, and I don't have to get up early in the morning. Ever. Which is good, since I've always been nocturnal. I rarely even set my alarm clock. Which brings me to another question...why do people say "The alarm just went off" when really it just came on? And speaking of waking up, do you wake up or open your eyes first? I wake up first, generally.

Life is good, overall. Okay, the house I live in is probably haunted, and that's really why I'm out on the porch at 4 in the morning. Just kidding. Well, sort of. I'd probably be out on the porch whether the house was haunted or not.

This house was built by my grandpa for his mother-in-law, my great grandma. When she became widowed, she moved in with my grandparents, but she didn't get along with my Grandpa. She never had approved of my Grandma marrying beneath her and wasn't letting anyone forget it, according to family lore, and she thought she owned the place. Now, my Grandpa would have done anything for my Grandma, but he just wasn't getting any peace in his home. Great Grandma had to go. So he built her a house, this one, just down the hill from his place so my Grandma could take care of her and check on her every day, and he could still get some peace and quiet. It worked out for everyone and probably saved his marriage. Well, it worked out for everyone but Great Grandma. She always resented the fact he'd kicked her out, even if he did build her her own house. She had some kind of liver problems, turned yellow and died in that house. It's a small house, two bedrooms, 1 1/2 baths, a kitchen, dining room and living room, but plenty big enough for one person. It has a huge wrap around porch and I've done some remodeling on it. Anyway, after she passed away various family members stayed here, but no one stayed for long. Great Grandma's ghost supposedly scared them away. There were the usual stories of people feeling like they were being watched, or hearing footsteps and one person actually said they saw her standing in the big bedroom.

I haven't seen a ghost, but I have heard what I thought were footsteps. I've been here for about two years now, which is a record for this place. But I'm really good at explaining things away or just ignoring them. Denial plays a big part in my life! It's also very isolated which is also why I think people didn't want to stay here. The only thing that really kinda freaks me out is when her old rocking chair starts rocking. I thought about throwing the rocking chair out, but my mama said it would just really tick her off. Better to let just let her rock. I guess, but she's not the one watching the chair...I moved the chair from the big bedroom to the living room and she didn't seem to mind. She just rocked in there, but that got to be a little unnerving when you're trying to watch TV, so I moved it to the little bedroom. Now sometimes I hear the chair rocking at night, but at least I don't have to listen to it. It doesn't happen every night by any means, just once in awhile, and, of course, when my honey stays with me the chair doesn't move at all. It really is a beautiful place, though, I can see why she wouldn't want to leave it.

Does anyone else have a ghost story?

Thursday, October 06, 2005

My Spidey-sense is starting to tingle...

The government has really been making me nervous lately...first, there was the appalling lack of leadership when New Orleans was wiped out; then a Florida mayor decides to use his power of eminent domain to displace 6,000 poor people to make way for a yacht club; and, now I hear President Bush wanting to be able to deploy the military to quarantine any areas with the outbreak of a killer virus. Frankly, the thought of miitary troops surrounding an American city makes me a little queasy.

I understand his desire to be able to act quickly in case of an emergency, and Gov. Blanco's incredible ineptness certainly highlights that need, but I am a big believer of states' rights, in spite of her. The sovereignty of the states protects us from the rise of a dictatorship in this country and I still think our military should only be deployed domestically with the blessing of state government. There's a lot of things I like about Bush, but he's starting to make me a little nervous.

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

I've been reading a book called, "Islam and Jews: the Unfinished Battle" by Mark A. Gabriel. I'm about halfway through it and it's been a real eye opener. The author was raised a Muslim in Egypt, holds a Ph.d, was the equivalent of a rabbi or priest in the Muslim religion -- I think it's called an iman -- , and converted to Christianity when he was 34. However, the book is not just his personal testimony, but gives a very enlightening account of why the Muslims hate the Jews and why peace between them will be very difficult to achieve. You've got to read this book, written by a man who lived the life of a devout Muslim. The media and even the US government has been feeding us a lot of misinformation. He goes into great detail to explain why part of the Koran seems like a peaceful religion and why the latter half seems to contradict the first and is a call for Muslims to kill Jews and Christians.

As I was reading this book, I got an e-mail from a friend. I haven't been able to verify the information in it, but I thought it was interesting enough to post about. Here's the e-mail:


Ever consider moving to Austrialia? I just did!! Hip Hip Hurrah!!


Get out if you want Sharia law, Australia tells Muslims
(Maybe we should move to Australia...)

CANBERRA: Muslims who want to live under Islamic Sharia law were told
on Wednesday to get out of Australia, as the government targeted radicals
in a bid to head off potential terror attacks.

A day after a group of mainstream Muslim leaders pledged loyalty to
Australia at a special meeting with Prime Minister John Howard, he and
his ministers made it clear that extremists would face a crackdown.

Treasurer Peter Costello, seen as heir apparent to Howard, hinted that
some radical clerics could be asked to leave the country if they did not
accept that Australia was a secular state and its laws were made by
parliament. "If those are not your values, if you want a country which
has Sharia law or a theocratic state, then Australia is not for you," he said
on national television. "I'd be saying to clerics who are teaching that
there are two laws governing people in Australia, one the Australian law and
another the Islamic law, that that is false.

If you can't agree with parliamentary law, independent courts,
democracy, and would prefer Sharia law and have the opportunity to go to
another country which practises it, perhaps, then, that's a better option,"
Costello said. Asked whether he meant radical clerics would be forced to
leave, he said those with dual citizenship could possibly be asked move to
the other country.

Education Minister Brendan Nelson later told reporters that Muslims
who did not want to accept local values should "clear off". "Basically,
people who don't want to be Australians, and they don't want to live by
Australian values and understand them, well then they can basically clear
off," he said. Separately, Howard angered some Australian Muslims on
Wednesday by saying he supported spies monitoring the nation's mosques.


You know, it seems like a good idea on the surface, but would America be America if we did such a thing? I'm all for national security, but if I had to choose between following the teachings of the Bible or following some man-made laws, I'd pick the Bible. On the other hand, a country has the right to decide who lives there, don't they? What do y'all think? Oh, for a definition of Sharia law, you can go here:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sharia

Sunday, September 25, 2005

What goes through my head when I'm at work....

You never learn anything new by hanging around normal people.

Hangovers are only for people foolish enough to quit drinking.

Why couldn't Katrina have hit the United Nations building and nothing else?

Do you have to get a license to kill, or can you just get a permit?

Why do people get arrested for being legally drunk? If it's legal, what's the problem?

I find myself in too many situations where I think, "this would really be funny if it were happening to somebody else."

If everyone just quit voting, would they all just go away?

Sometimes I worry I'm just part of someone's psychology experiment. And it's probably that guy that comes into the bar every Thursday and just sits in the corner all night...

I read where a hummingbird eats its weight in food every day. I want to know how he weighs it.

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, if it's illegal to drink and drive?

Why can't they put big parachutes on planes?

Children should be taught to ask questions, instead of just answering them.

Rumor Has It...

I read something on a blog tonight that I haven't been able to confirm independently. Mostly because it involves research on Cindy Sheehan, and, frankly, the woman makes me a little nauseous, so I haven't been able to get to far with it.

Anyway, on this blog it said Cindy was now demanding a meeting with Hillary Clinton. She wants her to state the war was all based on a lie and that, if elected, she'll pull our boys out. Oddly enough, Hillary has refused to meet with her, too, just as Bush has refused to meet with her again. Has anyone else heard anything similar to this?